Sharing Lessons from Snowmagedon

Two weeks later, we are finally thawing out from Snowmagedon/Snowcapolous/SNOMG, whatever you want to call it. Viewing this record-breaking event from a Wisconsinite perspective has afforded us more than a few chuckles, particularly as the live television coverage revealed that several brave persons trudging or driving through the treacherous snow were in fact Cheeseheads. I cannot decide whether their personal declarations succeeded in putting the locals to shame or revealing some level of instability.

The D.C. area snow removal policy (a.k.a. spring) has also provided a lot of family-bonding time for us. Although we could easily exit our expertly shoveled driveway, we couldn’t think of moving beyond our block for nearly a week. This meant extended indoor time with my beloved husband and three offspring, coupled with multiple opportunities to reflect on what it means to be a good mother.

At my best moments, I tried to model myself after a mother I had the pleasure of meeting just a few months ago. Toni Price traveled from Texas to testify at a hearing I helped to organize for our Congressional Committee, and not only is she an excellent mother, she is an extraordinary advocate and person.

I knew from the moment I met Toni at the airport last spring that she had tragedy in her past. Her foster son Cedric was killed during a restraint by a teacher and Toni was visiting our committee to share his story in hopes that Congress would stop the dangerous restraint of students.

It was clearly difficult for Toni testify before Congress. I became her support and guide as she prepared her testimony and was shuttled between interviews with NBC and CNN. During our two short days together, we talked about our families and she shared with me stories about raising foster children and her love for her kids. In her household, instead of T.V., Wii and Disney movies there are board games, family dinners and prayer. Toni impressed me with her ability to move past her incredible sorrow to commit to the future of her children.

Toni also defined “advocate” for me in a new way. As I heard her continually describe the most horrific event in her life, she stood apart from other disability advocates I have encountered. Her measured, respectful and factual account was effective, not simply because of its element of tragedy, but because of its candid plea for change. Her approach was starkly different.

While working in the Congressional Committee we had education advocates calling, e-mailing or knocking on our door daily. Some were clueless, some were abrasive and very few were compelling. I have seen none as impacting as Toni.

It has now been nearly a year since meeting her. In my new role as a disability policy advisor in the Office of the Under Secretary, I remain on the receiving end of advocate calls and input. While I am still in a position to alter some of the details of programming for persons with disabilities, I will admit that I sometimes have difficulty removing my own abrasive advocate hat and offering the measured approach that defined Toni.

Case in point - while in a conversation with a colleague this week I described my priorities for students with disabilities in the upcoming reauthorization of the Elementary and Secondary Education Act. I expressed with passion my list of concerns about how students might be assessed, how schools would be held accountable and how teachers would be trained. His response: “Spoken like a true advocate.”

I might have considered that a compliment, although it wasn’t intended as one. I had let my passion shine through without equally displaying the fact and reason required to be taken seriously. I had forgotten Toni’s lessons. I clearly have a lot to learn.

From my perspective, the balance of both good parenting and effective advocacy are not easily acquired. They take thoughtful reflection, intent and practice. Although I don’t personally expect perfection, I can only hope to improve.

And so today, a Saturday, I will turn off the T.V. and take out the board games. On Monday, I will continue to search for data and research to back up my assertions. It may take more time and thought on my part, but Toni has taught me it is worth the effort.

Lisa Pugh is the 2009 Joseph P. Kennedy, Jr. Foundation Public Policy Fellow. She will work on disability policy for the House Committee on Education and Labor during the 111th Congress and in the Office of the Under Secretary in the Department of Education. She is being sponsored by The Arc Wisconsin. She will live for one year with her family in Washington, D.C. and return to her home in Madison, Wisconsin to share what she’s learned in June 2010.